Woah! A new post. I do apologise as there has not been one for a while, just not really much to write about recently.
The World Cup has been fun hasn’t it. I lost out on around £200 because I was being patriotic and had to predict England would beat Germany. Bet with your brain, not your heart!
Firstly, if you have not seen this advert, you need to see it. It’s the Nike advert for the World Cup. Its excellent but there is a couple of issues with it….
All the footballers in this advert have either not even made the World Cup squads or have been total rubbish so far in the tournament. I don’t think Ronaldo will be opening any stadiums with his name on nor will Rooney be on one knee before the Queen being knighted anytime soon. He might have to go on both knees before the whole nationa and apologise for being absolute cack. The only highlight for me to come out of Rooney being so rubbish is that when I play football this Sunday, if I do anything wrong I can happily say ‘well atleast I have done better than World Class Wayne Rooney’.
Now when the World Cup was announced many years ago that it would be hosted in South Africa, one of the first things I pointed out was how every sponsor of the World Cup and anyone who has anything to do with football in the media spotlight would use the stereotypes of Africa to the max. For example, Pepsi did the advert with all the players kicking a ball around a dessert, finishing with Messi lost in the jungle as seen below (if only that was Rooney). Even the shirts are cheesy African!
We also have all the little documentaries of reporters going to poor towns and bringing some of our Western Culture to them. You know how they have survived for so many years without electricity, well the BBC then give them a big generator for 90 mins so they can watch a football match projected onto a bed sheet. It’s quite nice for them, but I bet they didn’t get to keep the generator after….the BBC need that to make their tea and coffee.
Then there is all the cheesy intros and exit trails on BBC and ITV, with the traditional Africa music and lots of (lets not beat around the bush) less fortunate people from the African continent looking revived now a football tournament has taken over. The one that drives me up the wall the most is the bits on ITV where they get some kids to write on a bit of tatty card ‘first half analysis’ then hold it wonky for the camera. Also the bit where a Nelson Mandela look-a-like reaches to grab the World Cup trophy only for it to whoosh into a golden mist.
Now from what I have been led to believe, South Africa although full of crime actually has a fair bit of money so is this really an accurate stereotype they have used for the tournament? This gave me an amazing idea for a new advert, let me know what you think….
Henry walking down the street, having a can of Pepsi, ya know how it is…… oh wait, he is bundled into a van by a group of South African gangsters…..who leave a note with his football chums Drogba, Messi and Lampard. What does the note say?
“If you want to see Henry again you must pay us 200,000 cans of Pepsi”. GASP!
They then goto the gangsters hide out, armed with a football. Drogba kicks the ball at the two armed guards knocking them both out. Messi then runs in and slide tackles another guard and then kicks the ball to Lampard who kicks the ball really hard at the rope which Henry is tied up with and it breaks for Henry to make his escape. Oh wait its a trap! Henry then does a snazzy little flick of the ball, maybe use his hand a couple of times then they make their get away. Waiting for them at the gate is Nelson Mandela with a can of Pepsi for each of them. Amazing!
The next World Cup is being held in Brazil, this has to mean all adverts are going to involve any of the following ingredients…
I already have an amazing image in my mind of these adverts (roll on 2014). And no I don’t mean John Terry on a beach bare foot in a bikini saying ‘buy these Pringles to win a hat’.
We then jump to World Cup 2018, which by all accounts as long as Fabio Capello is not coordinating the team England should be hosting it. So what stereotypes will we then see. Here is a few ideas I have had.
- Any of the other European countries could come over and share their knowledge of how to watch a football match, have a few drinks and not fight each other after. How amazing would that be to watch as a documentary.
Miguel from Madrid says to Steve from Dagenham ‘so what you do is have 1 beer during the match’. Steve replies ‘one beer? what about the other six?’ Its a long shot, but I reckon this could help.
- There will probably be some sort of advert with Messi and Rooney in a London Cab or outside the palace.
- Crumpets, Tea and the Royal Family will be mentioned far too much
- BBC and ITV will both have some sort of intro where our best player turns into a Lion backed by some dramatic music, probably written by some cheesy british composer when really it should have been something by Kasabian
You think that’s going to annoy the hell out of you? The 2022 World Cup could potentially go to Australia. Not only will that mean watching matches at 4am each day, it will also mean the return of the Crocodile Dundee stereotype, kangaroos and bad accents. Just imagine Gary Lineker starting each show with G’day mate, we got a scorcher of a match up for you today here from Sydney.
I am sorry if I have put you off World Cups for life, just remember there will be some moderate to average football played during these tournaments too.
To finish off this football’ish related blog and seeing as I have got the hang of adding YouTube videos to my blog, here is two excellent videos you need to see…
First up, the Irish Currys Advert:
You would never get away with showing an advert like that in England.
Then you need to see this horrific example of ‘Bullying in the Workplace by Fabio Capello’. Poor Stuart Pearce… (WARNING, CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE).
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